With the premiere of the latest Star Wars film, people seem focused on a galaxy far away. However, true fans of the saga have missed something huge. Something powerful. Something dark. That galaxy is not so far away after all. Hidden in plain sight for years, an evil force awakened at Old Trafford. No one saw it coming, but the evidence is present. Romelu Lukaku is a Sith lord.
Romelu Lukaku’s Fall to the Dark Side
The Belgian international began his training at RSC Anderlecht when he signed a professional contract in 2009. Two years later, notorious London side Chelsea took notice of his potential. Carlo Ancelotti had just departed the club, with André Villas-Boas replacing him. Lukaku played 466 minutes for the club, earning himself just one assist. He did not make the papers until his one year loan to West Bromwich Albion in the 2012/13 season. In 35 league apperances, Lukaku scored 17 goals and added seven assists.
Romelu Lukaku’s raw untamed power drew in more offers. Former Everton manager Roberto Martínez coordinated a loan to Merseyside, followed by an eventual permanent transfer. For four years, Lukaku grew into his potential. He scored 87 goals in 166 appearances in all competitions. He assisted in 29 more. His skills intensified as he became a contender for the Golden Boot. It was during this time, and during his time playing for Belgium, that we began to see his anger.
There are plenty of footballers who get into fights. Romelu Lukaku had a few scuffles, but never reached Roy Keane-esque levels. His fights with players, such as Kostas Manolas and Mamadou Sakho, never intensified into a red card affair. In fact, he only ever received one red card, back in 2010/11. However, he did start learning to channel his anger into the power known as the Force.
Darth Rom Rises
I first noticed Romelu Lukaku’s true danger back in January when he faced Manchester City for Everton. Lukaku did not take a small kick by defender Nicolas Otamendi too kindly. Lukaku got right in his face. Then, Nicolas Otamendi did what Otamendi does best. He threw himself backwards onto the pitch. Or so it appeared. The truth is much more mortifying than a ridiculous dive. Lukaku just used the Force in public, and no one batted an eye. Take a look (thank you “Football WTF moments”).
Romelu Lukaku is around 14.8 stones and nearly 2 meters tall. However, even that momentum could not have shoved Otamendi like that. Somewhere along his path, someone taught him the ways of the Force. This surely helped him score 26 goals in all competitions last season. His tally increased at Everton season by season as his control grew, and he showed his true powers here.
Infamous mastermind and Special One José Mourinho must have seen this moment. As a result, Manchester United picked up Lukaku this summer for £76 million. Out of every striker the club could have brought in, only Darth Rom has such control of the Force. However, as Manchester United are figuring out, Lukaku, in true Sith fashion, does what he wants.
The Force Unleashed
It took a while for Lukaku to use the Force again after attacking Otamendi. Maybe I was crazy, and there was no Sith in the Premier League. However, I now know that I was so wrong.
On October 28, Manchester United hosted Tottenham. In the 1-0 victory, Darth Rom did not score. However, he the fabled Jedi mind trick to diffuse a fight. When Dele Alli and Ashley Young were getting into it, Lukaku stepped in. Using just one hand to mask his use of the Force, he tricked Dele Alli into simply walking away. Some say it is because Dele Alli is not stupid. I say it was the Force. What do you think? Look at the Lukaku Mind Trick for yourself.
Taking the Low Ground
After that, Lukaku took a truly dark turn and, like Anakin, betrayed his master. It first happened at the Emirates. In an attempt to “clear” the ball from a corner, he nearly biked it into his own net. De Gea must have been aware of Lukaku’s betrayal, because the goalkeeper saved the shot. Lukaku is too powerful to do that simply because of bad luck. His Sith nature revealed itself in that moment.
Further proof came during the Manchester Derby. Romelu Lukaku created both goals that United conceded. The first was a header to known extra-terrestrial life form David Silva. The second was another mind trick. He inflicted the mind trick on teammate Chris “Mike” Smalling. As Lukaku cleared the ball, he used the Force to position Smalling directly in the ball’s path. This resulted in an easy poacher’s goal for former nemesis Otamendi.
The worst case of the night was Lukaku’s force choke on Manchester City goalkeeper Ederson. Once again, he hid his Force powers by shooting the ball at the same time that he executed the choke. As he shot the ball, he attacked Ederson with the Force and left the keeper reeling on the ground. You have to see this to believe it (thank you soccer-blogger.com for the excellent video of this attack).
Revenge of the Sith
I have no clue why Darth Rom is attacking his own team. Frustration regarding a lack of service may exist. Maybe his is trying to pick out flaws in Master Mourinho’s tactics. One thing is for sure. Romelu Lukaku is no more. Forget about Rey’s potential parents for a second and open your eyes. The Star Wars galaxy has become a realtiy as evidenced by Darth Rom’s rise. He has come out of hiding and is attacking with a vengeance. You know it to be true.
May the Force be with you, Premier League. You’re going to need it.